F.E.A.R. - False Evidence Appearing Real

Photo credit: Adonyi Gabor, Pexels

There was something about the Tarot reading I pulled for myself the other day that hit me more than usual. Earlier the night before I had this vision of a fire burning things away, and then when I pulled The Tower in reverse, I felt that immediate connection to its message of crumbling and burning away of the old. Shifts in perspective, letting go of old ways of being, even when it’s hard, or a tough pill to swallow.

I’m going to bring some truth to the table here. I’ve let fear run the show for far too long. Sometimes fear looks like something else. Procrastination. Freezing. Uncertainty. Confusion. Worry. Avoidance.

I’ve so often sold myself the idea that I need to change gears, completely re-write my offers, shift the focus of my business. But, then what I find is that I get a few moments of clarity, followed by this long phase of head scratching, confusion and this desire to go into hiding. While I acknowledge my creative mind and knack for idea generation, I am now calling myself out on letting fear keep taking the lead.

While I think trial and error is the best way to learn, I’ve found myself engaging with the “trial” part carrying this underlying “let-me-just-keep-changing-what-I’m-doing-so-people-don’t-have-to-really-see-me” mentality… and, then hanging around a bit too long in the “error” part, getting weighed down by fear’s close allies: confusion, self-doubt and procrastination.

Round and round the fear would go. Worrying about not doing it right. Not having valuable enough things to share. Not being perfect and getting it exactly right every time. Not knowing enough — or, being enough. But, then a few days ago, I had this realization of “the fear isn’t going anywhere. You might as well just keep pushing past it.”

This has called me forward to get more clear. It’s like a fog has been lifted and while the fear is absolutely, totally still there, I feel this push to keep going no matter what. A push to be crystal clear. To really share what I know I can give. To own what my gifts are. To build on what I’m good at, what I’ve poured into, studied and worked hard for.

I’m good at what I do. There, I said it. I’m really good at holding space for others — in coaching, in energy work, through yoga, meditation… I have a calm presence, the multi-faceted experience and innate wisdom to allow another person to feel like they can open up, start knowing themselves more deeply and begin blossoming into who they really are.

I knew this years ago. But, I had to fine-tune it. I had to experience life, challenges, hardships, trauma. I had to find my more fully-expressed confidence around it on the other side.

I want to remind you that your journey is unique. We are all carrying something, all seeking something. Moving along your path requires support. We aren’t meant to walk alone and I owe so many people in my life the deep gratitude for the roles they’ve played in my inner work.

So, in feeling the fear, but doing it anyway, I flip my business sign to “Open”, but, this time so that the Universe can see and hear me. I have enjoyed the things I’ve offered in the past, I’ve been grateful to work with past clients and honor all of the trial and error I’ve gone through (and, will still go through).

But, this time I’m going head-first into the powerful, stormy winds of fear. Even if it’s hard. Even if self-doubt rears its head. I’m here for those who are called into my space to start exploring their own path back home to themselves.